Don’t be afraid to fuck it all up…

People who pretend they are perfect, please go away. In the age of social media, we are surrounded by the perfect hair, skin, clothes right down to who has made the perfect smoothie.

If you are anything like me, you have at one point or another, felt like you have really fucked things up and it has affected what you thought would be your perfect year, month, week. Whatever your aim was….

I had a plan. Like most of you I’m sure. I was going to go to uni, get the perfect degree, go and travel and then meet the guy while I was abroad – he was going to be American – then move to NYC and live in the perfect loft, earning lots of money and basically having the time of my life. I know, I know it sounds unreachable but I know people who have lived this life or sort of near it – it looks perfect – it probably isn’t.

None of this happened and that’s okay. My life is turning out pretty damn good on it own, without me obsessively worrying about it.

I went to uni, I didn’t get the best degree I could and I’m not making any excuses ‘Libby must try harder’ frequented school reports and Mum said I’ve always just had a wandering mind. I had some family losses during my first and third year at uni and I think it contributed to me not wanting to spend time where I should of been, truth was I was spending a lot of time at home, drinking wine and smoking ciggies with my poor grief stricken mum. Looking back, I truly believe it was where I was most needed at the time.

I didn’t meet my guy until I was finished at uni and I had got my shit together! I didn’t have a man sweep me off my feet. We met, we knew each other from years ago, we re connected, had a Nando’s (big shout out to fellow spicy chicken lovers) and that was it, we were together. I won’t bore you with all the slushy stuff in between but there were tears and fights, still are sometimes because, all together now, everybody fucks up.

Before I met James, I had been with a couple of guys who I can say were not the best choices for me. They ruined my self esteem, cheated on me or lied to me, used me. Hey we’ve all been there, right? So when I met James I was pleasantly surprised when I had found myself an actual grown up man. He wasn’t around to play games, he knew what he wanted and I think I met him because I was in a good place, I knew who I was, what I wanted and I wasn’t here to play games either. I was ready to be a grown up too.

About 2 years ago I had a real down couple of months where I thought ‘ I have really fucked this up, haven’t I’ Since then I have had a bit of a career change, I have started this blog, James and I are in a really good place – saving for a house and thinking about kids – and I finally have come to accept that I haven’t fucked it up at all, I am in a really good position for my age and I am really happy. Not every day, I’m not insane…

Whenever you think about all the bad decisions you have made, think of your life like a history timeline, like the ones you had to make for History GCSE’s. For me, if I had taken the leap and moved to uni full time and left my mum and brother, I wouldn’t have met James. If I hadn’t got rid of my loser ex boyfriend I wouldn’t have gone to uni. If I hadn’t cut a poisonous friend out of my life 6 years ago, I wouldn’t have re connected with my childhood best friend.

Don’t be afraid to fuck it all up, it might lead to something pretty amazing. Here’s a picture of me, really happy 🙂

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Comment you gorgeous lot, I love reading them!

Libby xo

(the girl who never wears white)

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